Most of you know that I have two children, Emily (3) and Amanda(19). I love them both with all of my heart and if you ever spend any time at all with me, you will know how true that is.
Having two children so far apart is a mixed blessing. On the one hand, they both got me all to themselves without me having to spread the love around (Well, Amanda got 16 years before Em came along). Another good thing for me is I got the chance to be a Father twice, not just once with two kids at the same time, but on two separate and distinct occasions. (I’m not sure if you will understand that but I can’t think of a better way to get the point across).
On the downside, my two girls are never going to be as close as I would like them to be because of the age difference. That makes me very sad. Also, Amanda got me in my prime, before the weight, the creaking bones, the dark times. Emily just has to live with a Father that makes odd noises at every sudden movement.
Even though I am divorced from both Mother’s, (which is great from a legal standing) I have still been able to be in both of the girls lives in a meaningful way. I am lucky in that regard. There are a lot of Dad’s out there that either don’t want to be or can’t be in their children’s lives. (My own Father was never in my life and I find myself feeling so sorry for him. I have shared so many great memories with my own kids I can’t help but think about all the great things he missed out on in my life).
Here’s the way it works most of the time. I pick up Emily from school on Wednesday (I get off of work at three PM) and we hang out and watch movies, go the the park, or go to either the toy store or the library. I take her back around her bedtime. Some weeks, I get her after school more, depending on if she has plans or not. On Friday’s, I pick her up from school once more. She gets to spend the night with me and I then have her until either her Mom gets off work the next day or it gets dark. Some weekends, I get her the whole weekend.
I get to see Amanda a couple of times during the week as well. (I always saw her when she was younger because I was in our home until she was almost thirteen. I then had her every weekend unless something special came up until about two years ago.)
Well, now to the point of the story. Yesterday, I picked up Em at school (Daycare) and we went to my house. I fixed her some dinner and we settled in for a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse marathon. Afterwards, (and usually every time she is at my house) she wants to look at my photoblog and tell me about all of the pictures. She loves pictures. Then we clean up and go riding around in the car for a bit and finally (sadly) I take her home.
It was during the ride home that Emily once again stole my heart. I don’t remember what we were taking about, but somewhere in the conversation I told her she was getting to be a big girl. She paused for a moment and then it happened (like it has a million times so far), she stole my heart.
She looked at me and said, “I don’t want to be a big girl. I want to always be your baby.”
Simple words from a beautiful three year old’s mind. No politics, no games, no shame. She just said what she felt.
And I have to say that at times like this, I know I am the most fortunate man alive. I have the love of a child. I am needed in such a way that mere words will never be able to describe, but if you are a Mommy or a Daddy and you know you are doing what’s best for your children, those simple words can fill a heart to the point that it spills over with love. You will know what I mean.
She owns my heart.
You may wonder what I said in response (after I was able to respond). Well, I looked back at her and told her, “Emily, no matter how big you get, even if you get to be the biggest girl in the world, you will always be my baby.”
Like I said, she owns my heart. But I know I own a piece of hers as well.
It could not possibly get any better than that.